Wednesday, January 2, 2008

We Laugh at what We Secretly Love. Namely, Hoth

For those of you who just read the title and are giddy, yes, downright GIDDY with anticipation, I am sorry to disappoint you: I am not a subscriber to any deviant lifestyle I have made fun of in the past.
No, I'm here to point out what all Star Wars/Video Game fans already know: We have all fought the battle of Hoth more times than we have done just about anything else. More times than we have been to Six Flags, more times than we have had a truly satisfying Italian dinner, more times than we've gotten laid (not that that's especially hard for a nerd such as myself, seeing as how if I had only fought the good fight once the ratio would be met, but still...).
I know it, you know it, Tycho and Gabe know it. But I offer a reconciliation to our ennui-overtaken souls. I would like you to consider the fact that you have had a lot of fun playing that same damn level on just about every game console you have ever owned.
Think about it. On the SNES, you got to actually go into an AT-AT and cut up stormtroopers as the valiant Skywalker. On the N64, you not only took to the skies as Dash Rendar in the level that was used to give the very idea of what Rogue Squadron would be, you got to fly the mission as a Rogue. I got a gold medal on the first try, which earned me my gold bar. On the Gamecube, it was a solid mission for Rogue Leader (even with agonizingly long cutscenes) because you got to leave the Speeder and hop in an X-Wing to defend transports. In Rebel Strike, it was one of the few decent missions. When you play Battlefronts 1 or 2 on your PS2, you get into the nitty-gritty of the war and may even see the battle from the point of view of the Dark Lord Vader himself. And some would say that there isn't enough life on this rock to fill a space cruiser.
That's the thing about Hoth: no single battle in Star Wars history offers as much variety as that of Hoth. Sure, the endless white burns your retinas. Granted, it pisses you off that no matter how much you do or how many you kill, that damn shield generator still gets blown up. But at the end of the day, you stood up for peace and justice in the galaxy and you looked at endless droves of snowtroopers marching toward Echo Base, their armor blending in with the land so that it looked as if the planet itself were coming to claim your life and you struck them down just long enough so that your friends could escape to fight another day. Try to feel that inspired about freakin' Yavin.

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